Remy’s Eulogy

I know that many of you who wanted to be there for Remy’s Memorial Service and could not.  We are very grateful and touched by the outpouring of support we have been receiving everyday from so many people.   Remy’s ‘purpose’ will always remain important to us.  I have posted my Eulogy below and hope that in reading it you will gain something in your own personal lives in someway.

Love Always, Remy Mary and Pete

Remy’s Eulogy:

I never expected to be standing here in a church in front of so many people speaking about the passing of my daughter.

Just the same Mary and I never expected to be standing atop our little girl laid in a tiny coffin, in the perfect little outfit that Mary and I always wanted to see her in…………the night before we are to bury her.

Kissing her one last time, and saying goodbye.

As Remy grew sicker than ever before, about a week before she passed…….. both Mary and I realized that her chances of staying with us were getting slim.

In our own way we either prayed or hoped for a miracle, and spent every second working with the medical staff, who became more like family, trying to find a way to save Remy’s life.

Remy had been sick before…..

In fact, she had been so sick —-that we were often called into to meetings to discuss the realities that she might not recover, or might have severe permanent damage that she would never recover from.

We talked about things like DNR’s and had to learn about drugs and treatments that we never wished we had to.  It was a crash course that we didn’t want.   Should we raise her Dopamine?  Is she getting enough Phenobarb? Should she get another bollist of Lasix, or Bumex or Hydrocortisol?  Will her maps ever go up, so we can get her off the Eppy Drip?

No matter what drug it was, while it helped her in one way, it was always killing her in another way.   Unfortunately as advanced as medicine has come it still wasn’t enough!

But like I said, she had been here before and she made astounding recoveries.

Nurses, doctors and just about everyone in the NICU were taken back by the great strength Our Little Sunshine showed us!

It wasn’t just to comfort us.

It wasn’t a line they used with us.

We know that there was a level of comfort needed when we were approached about the subject of Remy’s health, but there was also a very clear level of bluntness and honesty that was necessary.

In the end- Remy’s organs were not well enough for her to carry on.

Despite all of her problems and conditions her heart and her brain were so strong and so powerful.  She responded to us everyday.

Even in her weakest moments.

Mary would constantly ‘eat her face’, which in other words meant kissing her over and over and over any chance she could get.   Remy responded all the time.  She would kiss back and stick out her little tongue and wiggle her lips.

For me–

There was nothing more I needed in Life.

I have never felt anything so powerful as what I felt when I watched that.     When we placed our finger on her toes she would curl them so tight we could actually feel a grip.

When we placed our finger in her palm she had a grip stronger than some adults I know.  I’m not kidding!

The thing about Remy is that she wanted to Live.  She wanted SO VERY MUCH, SO VERY MUCH to live.

Everyone takes a different journey through life and everyone faces his or her own individual challenges.  Remy faced challenges from the moment she was born.  Challenges far greater than what I have ever faced and ever will face in my lifetime.  Somehow————– in her little body with two bad lungs, failed kidneys, intestinal failure, cysts, seizures, blood clots and more there was a soul of a Giant!   In her most difficult moments (and friends, family, unless you saw her up close it is very hard to explain how sick she looked and became) EVEN STILL she Always

And I mean Always…………

…..found a way to express her strong will, her love, and fought even to her very last breath.

Fight,

Heart,

Love

These are the things that Remy was made of.

It’s easy……………………………… ‘to take for granted’ and to  ‘Forget’ the things in life that are so important.

It’s also very easy to get into the habit of believing that everyday stresses—–

—a satellite dish going out, a car breaking down, getting stuck on the subway, or being late for something are really so important or stressful, when in reality they are not.

Don’t get me wrong.

I’m not saying that the little things cannot be frustrating.  It’s not my place to stand here and judge anyone’s situation, or what he or she may go through on a day-to-day basis and what may tip the iceberg on any given day.

What I am getting towards is a greater message…

Remy

IN LIFE

has touched Mary and I in a way that even with great expectation and preparation we did not know would be such a great privilege.  Not only did she affect us, our immediate family, and closest friends, but so many others.

Yes…her story was out there for many to see.  But so many people were not affected because I wrote about her; it was because she GAVE me something to write about.

Something amazing!

Something inspiring!

Something precious!

100 days ago to this day Remy was born. 95 of those days we were blessed with her presence. The change that took place during our time with Remy has made us greater human beings and lesser human beings through one shared experience.

We are lesser because:

We have a permanent whole in our souls that will never be replaced.

We are greater because:

We became parents.

We are greater because:

We have grown closer together as husband and Wife than I could have ever imagined.

We are greater because:

We learned what real love really is.

We are greater because:

We learned the true meaning of life.

I have witnessed that the Mary, the woman who I and so many others in this world love so much has another layer to her, another dimension to her, that is astounding,

Astounding!

She was

and ALWAYS WILL BE the role model, the definition of what a Mother should be.

You wouldn’t measure her against a pedestal, because she is the pedestal.

Through so much pain we been touched by the gift of human compassion over and over and over and we feel it right now more than ever.  We have always experienced that compassion and love from so many.

But Remy was and STILL IS a magnet to the mere notion of compassion.

And what we have witnessed and experienced in the form of pure humanity; simply because of Remy’s existence is astonishing!

I almost lost my Wife.

I did lose my child.

We will never have the answers we want. The answers we get will never fill the gap that we will have for the rest of our time on this earth.  If I was given a millionth of a second to take the chance to trade places with Remy I wouldn’t be standing here reading this eulogy.

Instead both Mary and I must live with this void until our time comes.

Right now we are in immense pain.  We go to sleep and wake up wanting to die.

Literally.

We can seem okay one moment and break down the next.  We have anger, towards God, we feel cheated and robbed.  The emptiness we feel cannot be justified in this eulogy.  THAT ……………………………………………..Is an impossible feat.

In one of my last posts you may have remember me writing that “We never even had a clue how strong our love was until that love was being TAKEN AWAY FROM US!”

That is the best way I can express our feelings.  Mary and I have also died in this experience and that is inevitable, but unlike the fact that we did not have a choice whether Remy lived or not, it is up to us how much of us in our own selves’ die.

With great loss, can also come great gain, If we choose to accept it, to nourish it, to learn from it, and to grow from it.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  I don’t know how we are going to get through this except that we WILL.  And we will get through it TOGETHER.

We could have had a small ceremony.

Private, alone and isolated.

It would have been easier.   Everyone would have understood.  We could have pushed away our friends and family all week who took such great care of us each and everyday. But we love all of you dearly, and if Remy were here to grow older with us she we would have shared her with all of you as much as we possibly could anyway.  That’s the only way we know how to live.

Remy means way too much to us.   While we will not be so lucky to celebrate great moments on our baby’s life and enjoy the little nuances and things that a Father and Mother do with their children, Remy was and still is too important to us to forget.

Most of you— Mary and I will see again soon, some longer.  Regardless of that it is Remy’s message

Remy’s PURPOSE that Mary and I want to continue.

Please, if you do anything when you leave this Memorial Service, do one thing.

Do Not forget!

REMEMBER!

Remember to cherish what and who have in your life.

Remember to realize what is and what isn’t important.

Remember to care, to love and to try.

Remember to fight when you feel it is worthy.

Remember REMY………………  because if you remember Remy you will remember what is important in your own life and by doing that you will make the world a better place!

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19 thoughts on “Remy’s Eulogy

  1. Thank You for having the strength to post the eulogy. Because of Remy I know it has made a difference in my heart. May God Bless you and Mary in the coming days, weeks, months and years to get through these difficult times. Because of your posts many of us have come to know Remy and she will never be forgotten. Ma she live in your hearts forever.

    God Bless

  2. I’m so sorry of the loss of your angel!

    I have to admit I have never met you, your wife or your precious daughter, but her story, your story wandered my way via the web, by chance perhaps or by Gods gentle reminder.

    I have also lived in the NICU with 3 of my 8 children, my twin boys who received their angel wings hours after their arrival and my daughter who spent her first 2 years in the NICU and ICU.

    It feels so very long ago now that she is 5, and the boys would of been 7… Its so very hard to remember the daily roller coaster and uncertainty, the knots in my stomach the machines the medicines, the tubes and alarms but the love is what I remember! Its in every fiber of your being its a love like no other, it blankets your soul it envelopes every cell it fills your chest like an ever expanding sponge making it feel as if you are about to explode at the seems; it is a gift which cannot be taken, it is a force that no man can grasp.

    I’m sitting here crying as I write this to complete strangers.
    Your daughter was real, she was here, she was the center of your love, your world. While she has now received her angel wings, her love, her perseverance, her will and god’s will are still with you! She was her own person , but was who she was because of your love for her, she was made of you and will forever be a whole of the both of your two’s halves .

    Remember on those heart crushing moments of pain, loss and possibly anger, that her love for you; like God’s is eternal, she loved you as you did her upon inception. She may not be walking on earth with you but she is around you, she is part of everything around you, she is half of each of you, and to love in spite of dealing with her physical loss is the greatest tribute everyone can do in her name, in her honor.

    I wish you, and your families the very best!

    Heather-Rose

  3. Thank you for posting the eulogy it is so touching!! I had the opportunity to meet Mary while she filmed us and what a wonderful person she truly is , beautiful and spunky!! I can’t fathom the pain and sorrow you guys feel!!!

    I have read Remy’s blog since the beginning and prayed for her and for you guys as a family! I will continue to keep you in our thougts and prayers!!!

    Your family and Remy have touched many peoples lives in one way or another and it is so beautiful!

    My love , thougts and prayers
    Abigail

  4. Dear Peter,
    I knew that your tribute to Remy would be wonderful and it is.
    I woke up the morning of Remy’s memorial service with my thoughts completely on all of you. I regetted that we could not be there but I was truly there in spirit. I thought about all of you all morning asking myself how you could possibly get thru all of it? With what I was feeling I could not imagine what it had to be like for you. But you did it and I know you both did it with grace and dignity. Your tribute to Remy tells me that.
    As I said before after really getting to know sweet little Remy thru your blogs, I came to love her. I prayed, I cried, I begged God, I did everything i could do because I wanted her to go home with you. I wanted her to grow up, I wanted to send her little birthday gifts on her special day, I wanted to do for her like I have done for my own.
    And though maybe I haven’t the right, I too am grieving hard.
    I have to tell you though, and you already know this, you were blessed. You were blessed to have that special little girl who did everything in her power to stay with you. She knew she was loved. She gave you what she had and you loved her mightily.
    After all your wonderful stories Remy will never be forgotten.
    Thankyou for sharing her with me.
    She is forever engraved on my heart

    Jo Shewbridge

  5. I have not spoken to Mary since High School but I want to Thank you for sharing the beautiful and heartbreaking story of Remy’s life. Your and Mary’s courage and strength has touched my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined. It has profoundly reminded me just how precious life is and how important it is not to take for granted those you love. May God Bless you and your family, I know He is holding Remy close to His heart until the day you and Mary will get to hold her again.

    Veronica Bowles (Ronnie Bielski)

  6. God bless you and your family in this time of loss. Remy’s story is such a heartfelt one and she has truly touched so many people. You have been blessed with having met an angel.

  7. It was a beautiful service Pete – and the strength you showed delivering this beautiful eulogy, it was amazing to see. I know the days, weeks and years ahead or going to be difficult ones – but I pray that the love you and Mary have for each other will continue to guide you both and that you both remember that your friends and love ones are here to help and to honor Remy’s memory.

  8. I am so glad you posted the eulogy Pete. It was amazing hearing it in person, but even better being able to treasure every word you wrote. It was beautiful and inspiring, and keeps reminding me to relish every moment I have and be grateful for all that I have been given. I so wish that these words of wisdom weren’t at the cost of Remy’s life. We are here for you every second; to cry, to scream, and maybe even to laugh at some point. We love you, we love you, we love you.

  9. The eulogy is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it here. Keeping you and all those who love angel Remy in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. I’ve never met you or Remi and Mary only once, but I’ve been reading your blog and praying for your family since Angela told me about Remy. I know this probably doesn’t mean much but I am sorry for your loss. Your blog helps me to cherish the things in my life that really matter and forget the small stuff. I know Remy is with Jesus now and not suffering anymore…blessed assurance that will help uplift you both in time, I pray. Sincerely, Dara

  11. Although i wasn’t/couldn’t be there my thoughts were with you. I have spoken of Remy to students I have taught and staff I have worked with. The butterfly effect of Remy has cross continents. The eulogy was beautiful and must of been very difficult. You may not feel this now but your life’s will go on enriched by loving Remy and your family will grow watched over by Remy.
    Travel hopefully
    Much love
    Lesley

  12. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story about Remy with us. Your eulogy and blog touched my heart so deeply, made my heart ache for you, and at the same time reminded me to value what is truly important in life – love.

  13. thinking of you often and keeping you in my prayers. i pray that with each day you gain a little more strength to carry on and heal during this difficult time.

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