I know that many of you who wanted to be there for Remy’s Memorial Service and could not. We are very grateful and touched by the outpouring of support we have been receiving everyday from so many people. Remy’s ‘purpose’ will always remain important to us. I have posted my Eulogy below and hope that in reading it you will gain something in your own personal lives in someway.
Love Always, Remy Mary and Pete
I never expected to be standing here in a church in front of so many people speaking about the passing of my daughter.
Just the same Mary and I never expected to be standing atop our little girl laid in a tiny coffin, in the perfect little outfit that Mary and I always wanted to see her in…………the night before we are to bury her.
Kissing her one last time, and saying goodbye.
As Remy grew sicker than ever before, about a week before she passed…….. both Mary and I realized that her chances of staying with us were getting slim.
In our own way we either prayed or hoped for a miracle, and spent every second working with the medical staff, who became more like family, trying to find a way to save Remy’s life.
Remy had been sick before…..
In fact, she had been so sick —-that we were often called into to meetings to discuss the realities that she might not recover, or might have severe permanent damage that she would never recover from.
We talked about things like DNR’s and had to learn about drugs and treatments that we never wished we had to. It was a crash course that we didn’t want. Should we raise her Dopamine? Is she getting enough Phenobarb? Should she get another bollist of Lasix, or Bumex or Hydrocortisol? Will her maps ever go up, so we can get her off the Eppy Drip?
No matter what drug it was, while it helped her in one way, it was always killing her in another way. Unfortunately as advanced as medicine has come it still wasn’t enough!
But like I said, she had been here before and she made astounding recoveries.
Nurses, doctors and just about everyone in the NICU were taken back by the great strength Our Little Sunshine showed us!
It wasn’t just to comfort us.
It wasn’t a line they used with us.
We know that there was a level of comfort needed when we were approached about the subject of Remy’s health, but there was also a very clear level of bluntness and honesty that was necessary.
In the end- Remy’s organs were not well enough for her to carry on.
Despite all of her problems and conditions her heart and her brain were so strong and so powerful. She responded to us everyday.
Even in her weakest moments.
Mary would constantly ‘eat her face’, which in other words meant kissing her over and over and over any chance she could get. Remy responded all the time. She would kiss back and stick out her little tongue and wiggle her lips.
There was nothing more I needed in Life.
I have never felt anything so powerful as what I felt when I watched that. When we placed our finger on her toes she would curl them so tight we could actually feel a grip.
When we placed our finger in her palm she had a grip stronger than some adults I know. I’m not kidding!
The thing about Remy is that she wanted to Live. She wanted SO VERY MUCH, SO VERY MUCH to live.
Everyone takes a different journey through life and everyone faces his or her own individual challenges. Remy faced challenges from the moment she was born. Challenges far greater than what I have ever faced and ever will face in my lifetime. Somehow————– in her little body with two bad lungs, failed kidneys, intestinal failure, cysts, seizures, blood clots and more there was a soul of a Giant! In her most difficult moments (and friends, family, unless you saw her up close it is very hard to explain how sick she looked and became) EVEN STILL she Always
And I mean Always…………
…..found a way to express her strong will, her love, and fought even to her very last breath.
These are the things that Remy was made of.
It’s easy……………………………… ‘to take for granted’ and to ‘Forget’ the things in life that are so important.
It’s also very easy to get into the habit of believing that everyday stresses—–
—a satellite dish going out, a car breaking down, getting stuck on the subway, or being late for something are really so important or stressful, when in reality they are not.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not saying that the little things cannot be frustrating. It’s not my place to stand here and judge anyone’s situation, or what he or she may go through on a day-to-day basis and what may tip the iceberg on any given day.
What I am getting towards is a greater message…
has touched Mary and I in a way that even with great expectation and preparation we did not know would be such a great privilege. Not only did she affect us, our immediate family, and closest friends, but so many others.
Yes…her story was out there for many to see. But so many people were not affected because I wrote about her; it was because she GAVE me something to write about.
100 days ago to this day Remy was born. 95 of those days we were blessed with her presence. The change that took place during our time with Remy has made us greater human beings and lesser human beings through one shared experience.
We are lesser because:
We have a permanent whole in our souls that will never be replaced.
We are greater because:
We became parents.
We are greater because:
We have grown closer together as husband and Wife than I could have ever imagined.
We are greater because:
We learned what real love really is.
We are greater because:
We learned the true meaning of life.
I have witnessed that the Mary, the woman who I and so many others in this world love so much has another layer to her, another dimension to her, that is astounding,
and ALWAYS WILL BE the role model, the definition of what a Mother should be.
You wouldn’t measure her against a pedestal, because she is the pedestal.
Through so much pain we been touched by the gift of human compassion over and over and over and we feel it right now more than ever. We have always experienced that compassion and love from so many.
But Remy was and STILL IS a magnet to the mere notion of compassion.
And what we have witnessed and experienced in the form of pure humanity; simply because of Remy’s existence is astonishing!
I almost lost my Wife.
I did lose my child.
We will never have the answers we want. The answers we get will never fill the gap that we will have for the rest of our time on this earth. If I was given a millionth of a second to take the chance to trade places with Remy I wouldn’t be standing here reading this eulogy.
Instead both Mary and I must live with this void until our time comes.
Right now we are in immense pain. We go to sleep and wake up wanting to die.
We can seem okay one moment and break down the next. We have anger, towards God, we feel cheated and robbed. The emptiness we feel cannot be justified in this eulogy. THAT ……………………………………………..Is an impossible feat.
In one of my last posts you may have remember me writing that “We never even had a clue how strong our love was until that love was being TAKEN AWAY FROM US!”
That is the best way I can express our feelings. Mary and I have also died in this experience and that is inevitable, but unlike the fact that we did not have a choice whether Remy lived or not, it is up to us how much of us in our own selves’ die.
With great loss, can also come great gain, If we choose to accept it, to nourish it, to learn from it, and to grow from it.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I don’t know how we are going to get through this except that we WILL. And we will get through it TOGETHER.
We could have had a small ceremony.
Private, alone and isolated.
It would have been easier. Everyone would have understood. We could have pushed away our friends and family all week who took such great care of us each and everyday. But we love all of you dearly, and if Remy were here to grow older with us she we would have shared her with all of you as much as we possibly could anyway. That’s the only way we know how to live.
Remy means way too much to us. While we will not be so lucky to celebrate great moments on our baby’s life and enjoy the little nuances and things that a Father and Mother do with their children, Remy was and still is too important to us to forget.
Most of you— Mary and I will see again soon, some longer. Regardless of that it is Remy’s message
Remy’s PURPOSE that Mary and I want to continue.
Please, if you do anything when you leave this Memorial Service, do one thing.
Do Not forget!
Remember to cherish what and who have in your life.
Remember to realize what is and what isn’t important.
Remember to care, to love and to try.
Remember to fight when you feel it is worthy.
Remember REMY……………… because if you remember Remy you will remember what is important in your own life and by doing that you will make the world a better place!